My Life: From My Perspective

I am in general a pretty cheerful person.


Sometimes (okay, kind of often) I get frustrated or even a little angry, but I try not to let things get me down.

But sometimes I get very sad. Yesterday was a sad day. Wake up the next day with a puffy face and a headache sad.

At first I couldn't place it. Work was fine. I'd even gotten over my cough finally so I could take a morning jog outside.

When I got home and no one was there, I realized that I just wanted to be with someone I knew.

I felt... Homesick.

Not homesick like "I live so far away there's no way I can get there" homesick. I don't live that far from home. I could have just driven there ( I do it all the time!) or called my mama. or my sister. or my dad or anyone in my family.

Homesick for company. for friendship. lonely even.

I wanted so desperately to be with anyone I knew, but the few people here I know were away.

And I just couldn't get over it. I cleaned my room (I know, thrilling on a Saturday night).
I even scrubbed my tub.

I walked around my whole complex looking for anyone I might know. no luck.

I have a quote I try to live by "Don't worry about having friends, worry about being a friend." But as I looked at that quote in my room, I just felt guilty for feeling lonely. I have done a poor job of meeting new people, and I knew it was my fault for not trying harder, maybe not being as charming in group settings as I could have been, or being as open and friendly to new people to make them feel at ease around me.


But then I just lost it. I missed feeling at home.


BUT THEN TODAY

I felt the love of my Heavenly Father, and I knew He was aware of me, and that wherever I am, He is my friend. Christ is my friend.

He reminded me that He hears me, and that I should have more faith in Him and confidence in myself.

I almost forgot that it took over 6 months of sitting by myself in my old ward (with people I grew up with!) for me to make a friend-and that she was intimidated by me from a distance the whole time.

And today at church, a nice person smiled and said it was good to see me again.

and I am so grateful. Probably they'll never know that their simple smile was an answer to my heartfelt prayer last night. But I'm grateful they're close enough to the spirit to know to smile at me today.

And I hope that I can pass it on. And be a friend to someone who needs it more than I.
Or maybe we just need each other.